Out With The Old…


It’s strange that I’ve done some of my best writing this year, but have also had the worst blogging year. I almost want to apologise for being flaky. Almost. But I won’t because that would presume that things are going to change. I do not see that happening. Not here.

I was right the other time, I have outgrown this space. It was created for a purpose, and it’s safe to say it has done its work. For that, and for everyone who has been on this journey with me, I am grateful. Immensely. I am thankful that you stuck with me and my random musings as I tried to make sense of my life… As I grew into myself and became comfortable in my own skin. That you have stayed to share in my highs and lows, offered words of comfort on the bad days, virtually held my hand through the incredibly bad days, laughed at my terrible jokes, endured pitiful writing (even now), said an amen to my prayers, and released a sombre “I’ve been there, I understand” when I couldn’t find the words, I’m eternally grateful.

I can’t count the number of people who came into my life because of some of the rubbish I wrote here. The ones who found me even when I was hiding. The ones who emailed when I went MIA and stuck around after. For every, “Hi, Kov. Been a while. Are you okay?” My heart bursts with gratitude.

I will confess that I have tears in my eyes as I type this because I almost do not want to let go. Again, almost. But I must. For what is to come, the old has to be set free.

So this is goodbye (for now). I’ll be back with details of the new spaces (yes, spaces!!) when they are ready.

2014 has been quite a year. If you haven’t already, you can read my review here.

Ending the year with this verse ringing in my head:
Psalm 144:3-4 I wonder why you care, GOD— why do you bother with us at all? All we are is a puff of air; we’re like shadows in a campfire. (MSG)

Still amazed at how much He cares. 2014 was a wonderful year…

Love, light, and an abundance of sunshine,

Kov.

PS. I’m not deleting the contents here. Lord knows I’ll need to revisit often.

Feed Your Soul


I love the Lord, He heard my cry, and pitied every groan…

As I type this, I’m in bed listening to a collection of old hymns and smiling to myself in the dark.
Today wasn’t meant to be a busy day. I had the day off work and the plan was to get some much needed rest. But between doing a bit of laundry, catching up on TV shows, editing a couple of articles, social media runs, and preparing several meals, the day wasn’t exactly restful.
I remember reading something KB posted on Instagram about making an effort to do something good for the soul everyday, I know that I’ve been lacking seriously in that department lately. Too many things seem to be happening all at once and it does get quickly overwhelming. And I seem to be making a lot of mental notes to take care of my soul more… Mental notes that don’t turn into action often enough. Yet I wonder why I’m constantly feeling on edge, out of sorts, frazzled.

Since the move to Lagos, I haven’t been giving as much attention to this lady as I should. I can blame it on a lot of things, but the truth is that we will always make time for what is important to us. So right now I’m intentionally making an effort to feed this beautiful soul of mine… This is the rest she needs. We won’t allow the things around us determine how we behave anymore. We choose to live from within… There better be something healthy inside then.

This is a reminder to myself to give my soul something healthy to feed on everyday. And to live from within. There’s peace here, in this moment. This is how we grow through the process.

Hymns are so beautiful though…

Okay, enough writing. More feeding.

Peace, love, and light,
Kov.

For Luce…


They will tell you to be still
Those who have yet to see
beyond words they haven’t begun to speak
They will tell you to learn silence
And patience
And truth
But they know not honest
They have yet to meet her scene

When they come to morning songs
Be the one who shrieks
And seeks
meaning in the ways of the sunrise
Be loud with your moaning
Sing psalms heavy with feeling
Glow as the burning amber
colour that clothes the sky
But be still
And silent
Patient
And honest in your knowing
That when dawn comes around again
You will be first to herald her praise
Be, Lucinda.
Be.

The Things We Shouldn’t Have Been


We go in many directions, you and I
Lines blur and hearts disconnected getting harder to detect
We break into many pieces, you and I
Collage of stitched tatters no longer makes for fine art
I weep into empty barrels
Collection of many weeks worth of promises unfulfilled

We force too many stories, you and I
Complicated plots and unpolished theatre-tricks becoming our refuge
Camera
Lights
Inaction
Did you forget your lines, honey?
Did you miss your one shot to be prince?
And knight?
And light! Bright light!
But there you are, an assortment of black
And dark
Too many colours all mashed up
We are too many colours, my love, you and I
Yet to learn to mix them right
We are all the wrong sizes, you and I
We are all the wrong colours, honeyfall
We are everything we swore we would never be
You are your father
I am my mother;
loving your father in all the wrong ways

A Collection of Randomness.


I keep playing hide and seek here…

Mostly because a lot of the things I want to say are for me. Only for me. The random stuff, that is. The stuff that make up more than 70% of this blog.

I just sort of lost the urge to put them here. But I think of this space constantly. How much the writing helped me. How free it made me at some point. I miss it.

But…

We probably have outgrown this. I said, “probably”.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know that has become my personal mini journal of sorts. I’m currently doing the 100 Days of Happiness challenge there, so you can follow my process if you like.

Speaking of, the challenge is so much harder than I thought it’d be. A happiness challenge should make you happy, right? Instead, I find myself constantly in a reflective mood. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good thing, but it can also be a lot. I guess it’s that way because it forces you to see things you’d otherwise ignore or overlook. It forces you to take stock. If pushes you beyond levels of comfort. It opens you up to be grateful for stuff you’d otherwise not want to count as blessings. It shows you just how full your life is…
None of these sound bad, right? Unless you’re me. Constantly looking for what isn’t working. LOL! I can be such a mess.

But…

I’m going to keep at it. 100 days.

Because I’m learning to find the beauty in my life even if I have to squint really hard to see it now. I’ll keep searching for it until I no longer have to think hard. Until they become an obvious part of my life. Until happiness is a choice. Until I no longer see the filth, whether or not it’s still there.

When was the last time you had a fight with God?

Last night. I called it ‘venting’. And didn’t feel bad until a few hours ago when I had to write for today’s challenge in my journal. It’s not a competition, but He always wins. Because even before I say it, He knows. And because He has the most brilliant smile, melts my heart every time. And because His one word overpowers my entire vocabulary. And because hope. Faith. Love.

Ha!

Oh, one more thing. If you’re a nice person and people tend to take advantage of that, do you keep being nice or build a wall?

My answer: Be yourself. The ones who’ll appreciate you, will. Not everyone. Not all the time. These walls, they not only shut people out, they keep you locked in. Imprisoned. And that, my friend, is no way to live.

Stay.

Sweetness and an abundance of happiness,
Kov!

On Letting Go…On Moving On


Life is unpredictable.

Yes, that is my big revelation. After 27 years trying to understand it, this is what I have found; life is unpredictable.

Love is unpredictable.

I was having a conversation today about letting go, and someone (who has played a fatherly role in my life for as long as I can remember) said I love too passionately. He went further to emphasise that he didn’t think it was necessarily a bad thing, but it just meant that I’d find it much harder to grasp the concept of moving on.

Moments after, I am left wondering what “loving passionately” even means. Is there a way to love less than passionately? How does one love that way? Can we even call it love if it isn’t passionate? Call me naïve…

Eventually, you have to cut your loses, no matter how painful. You have to look yourself in the mirror and recount the lessons you’ve learned. Sometimes, that is enough. Knowing that in this period, ten years or ten months, you have learned something. There will be something that you will take with you for the rest of your life, a piece of someone else, a collection of memories, a memoir of an ‘unlived future’, an abundance of new strengths developed… Whatever it is, that ‘something’ will act as a reminder that in a given space, and at a given time, you found the you that you had always been too afraid to be. That person is worth love, of the passionate kind.

Life is unpredictable.

So what if you still carry around boxes of “to-dos”? Put the box down for a second and take out those dreams one at a time, or several at a time, and live them. Some of them will make sense. Some others will be outrageous!!! But who cares?! They are of no use in the box anyway. (You might want to ignore me now. LOL.)

But yeah, be happy! Just BE! For no apparent reason. For the heck of it. For the sake of living and loving and laughing and everything in between. BE!

Life. Is. Unpredictable.

So every chance you get, stamp yourself in it. And when people call you weird, know that it is because they are too afraid to live. When they leave, understand that they are too afraid to find peace with the world around them. Too busy seeking control. They fail to see the fickleness of it all.
Don’t be like them.

And when you make a list of all the things yet undone, strike out ‘safe’.

If you fail, laugh it off. Have a glass or two of something. And try again… Maybe at something else. Even if it’s just so you have two things now done. Haha! So reckless! Yet, so free.

Free.

Life is unpredictable. So is love.

Don’t try to figure it out. Take what you can. Live. Give of yourself. Love.

BE.

Love, light & freedom songs,
Kov!

PS. I’ve not been drinking, I promise.

In Sorrow


I was looking through random saved documents on my phone and found this. I know I saved it from a devotional I read a while ago, but I can’t seem to remember which. Just have a feeling someone other than me might need this today…

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In Sorrow

“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.”

– Psalm 34:18, The Message

There is a sacredness in mourning. There is a hallowed ground in the void that comes beyond suffering – in the place where we feel forgotten and afraid, where we are empty, spent, worn threadbare from the pain, where we feel the “No” still echoing through.

There is a reckoning in sorrow. Whether we feel God’s presence envelope us whole or we feel desperately alone, there is an interaction with the Lord. We know He is there but the question is, How close? We know He brings good but we cannot see it yet, not in this.

What does it mean to give thanks when we’ve lost what we could not bear to lose?
What does gratitude look like in a heart that’s broken into a million jagged pieces?
What do we thank God for then?

There are the standard answers. We can look at other gifts in our lives, those things which we have not lost. We can thank God for what’s come before, the blessings in our past. We can thank Him for what’s still ahead, the blessings in our future. But sometimes our red, puffy eyes cannot see well enough for this. Sometimes all we know is what we feel. Sometimes all we can muster is simply to stand still.

And did you know that that’s OK?

Our God is not bound by conventional methods of thanksgiving.

Gratitude can look like sitting in the sorrow for awhile, allowing the grief to burrow deep into the skin and become a part of us. Giving thanks can happen when we let ourselves feel every inch of the sadness, knowing that He feels it too.

Christ’s fierce love for you is not quenched when sorrow steals your words or mourning silences your tongue. His flame for you only grows brighter in the darkness.

Sisters, our Jesus mourns with us. He holds us near, even when we are too numb to feel it. We are free to weep, free to mourn, free to feel the loss. He feels it, too.

We don’t have to explain it away. We don’t have to lean on clichés. We can lean on Jesus.

He. is. right. there.

Thank God for that.
Psalm 34:18 – “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

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I hope this helps someone.

Peace, Love, & Light,
Kov!

Water-Walker


This is How Some of Our Conversations Go… LOL

Peter: Lord, if it is you, ask me to come.

Jesus: It is I, come.

Peter: *steps out of boat* *walks on water*

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Me: Lord, if it is you, ask me to come.

Jesus: It is I, come.

Me: If it is really you, Lord, wave your hands and ask me to come again.

Jesus: *waves* Come.

Me: Hmm Is it really, truly you? Turn around three times, jump up and say “come” in Arabic.

Jesus: Haha! Just trust me, child! 🙂

==========================

“And you will hear a voice in your ear saying, ‘this is the way, walk ye in it’…” – Isaiah 30:21b

Hearing the voice is the easy part, taking the step out of the boat is scary. What if I sink? What if the water gets too cold? What if…? What if…? I never run out of ‘what ifs’, there’s always the possibility of something going wrong.
But what is faith if we don’t take that leap? What is faith if I can’t trust that He’ll keep me from sinking? And what if I begin to sink? Well, just like He did for Peter, He’ll find a way to lead me safely to shore. In the end, it’ll all be for my good.
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Me: *takes leap of faith*

Book Review + Giveaway!


Have you ever wanted to read a ‘Christian Romance’ novel by a Nigerian author? Well, your prayers have been answered. Curl up with a cup of tea (or coffee, if that’s your thing), and a copy of Still , the first of a four-part novel from the promising writer/blogger, Eniola Prentice. I had the privilege of reading this book a while before it was released and I’m posting this review as part of an ongoing blog tour.

About the novel
A broken soul, an alcoholic, a certifiable genius, a Christian man, and a secret that will destroy the bonds of their friendship…read more.

Review
I have always found Medical Fiction fascinating (think, Grey’s Anatomy), little wonder I was immediately captivated by this coming of age story set in a world of hilarious hook ups and breakups, legendary parties and incessant studying, the experience of success and disappointment of failure, that is first year medical school.
The story is woven around several characters, medical students,who try to navigate their way through the complicated mess that can be life on the way to becoming a doctor. You’ll meet Fadesola, a self-proclaimed atheist and broken soul who considers her time in medical school a fresh start of sorts but finds herself having to face her past in the person ofTayo Smith, legendary party boy and alcoholic, who seeks an opportunity to correct his ways, and redeem himself in the eyes of his family. The plot gets even more complicated whenNikky, a certified genius and pretty soul, ignores Fadesola’s warnings and decides that Tayo is the man for her. There’s also Ladi, Christian man with a heart of gold, and a friend of the group. His innocent friendship with Fadesola slowly develops into smouldering relationship with both too afraid to give in to or even acknowledge their mutual feelings.

The book is written in first person narrative, through the eyes of each character. It is fascinating how Eniola is able to capture the ‘voice’ of each character and give life in a way that makes it easy to flow from one person to the next without confusing parts. After the first few chapters, the reader gets so used to each voice that you do not have to check to see whose narrative it is. I like the way the plot sucks you in, making you feel like you’re a part of the medical school community. I actually missed my ‘new friends’ for a few days after I was done with the book. Still definitely reads like insider information of the lives and times of the first year medical students.

Nikky is my favourite character of the bunch, mostly because it is easy to see through her. I generally tend to fall in love and identify with complicated characters, but in this case, Nikky makes it hard not to love her. She isn’t stuck up or obnoxious. For a certified genius, she’s very fun and honest; makes you see the world through rose-coloured glasses. Sometimes, her innocence and naivety makes for a good laugh.

Eniola does a pretty decent job of keeping the story moving and the reader guessing, with credible character and a believable story. This is more than just a love story, it is a story of friendship, pain, loss, success, failure, joy and grace; a fine cocktail that just about sums up life. If you do pick a copy of this book (and I recommend that you do), then be prepared to be captivated by God’s redemptive grace. Happy reading!

*Now for the more fun part, GIVEAWAY!!!!
To celebrate the release of the novel, there is an ongoing giveaway which you should totally enter for. You get a signed copy of the book, a $40 Amazon gift card, AND a mystery gift. Get excited people!!!!!

NOTE: Due to shipping difficulties, this giveaway is only open to residents of the USA and Canada.

To enter, go here.

The giveaway will run from May 26th to June 26th, so there’s plenty of time to enter.

Author Bio

Eniola Prentice was born in Lagos, Nigeria, where she began to pen her stories as early as nine years old, inspired by an eclectic group of writers. Her budding writing career was put in the back burner as she pursued her dream of becoming a medical doctor, completing her undergraduate degree inn Washington, DC. However, in the third year of medical school, inspired by the Holy Spirit, or the voices in her head (she would prefer to blame God for this one), and the unique and inspiring stories of friends that became family, she began to write her debut novel and series, Still. She hopes that her writing compels, challenges, inspires, and draws people to the Christian God’s redeeming love.
You can connect with her by visiting her blog, Twitter, Facebook, or Google+.

Get a copy of the novel on Amazon HERE!

This Is What This Is


When I started this blog, Future New Yorker, I didn’t really have a purpose for it except to occasionally keep an online journal and maybe force myself out of my comfort zone as far as my writing was concerned. Well, it grew and became much more than that. Apart from housing my Random Musings, FNY has become for me an opportunity to share my life and my faith.
During my hiatus, I began asking myself if I really wanted to come back to this space. I worried that it had probably outgrown its use. I’d also been thinking about taking my art seriously and wanted a different space to share that. I prayed about it but didn’t hear anything definite concerning the direction in which to take this blog. I also didn’t feel at peace about shutting it down completely. So I came back… Still wondering what the next step should be.
A few days ago, I felt a nudge to start a study on the book of Revelation. This is the very first thing that hit me:
“This is a revelation from Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants the events that must take place. He sent an angel to present this revelation to his servant John, who faithfully reported everything he saw. This is the report of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ.” – Revelation 1:1-2 (NLT).
God wants to reveal things to His people… And He does reveal. Usually, the things He reveals to one person are for the edification of all. He speaks so we can be encouraged, uplifted, corrected (in love), built up…
Ordinarily, I’d skip the introduction of whatever book I’m studying so I can get to what I considered the ‘real stuff’. But this introduction tugged at my heart so much, I couldn’t move on from it. I felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, Kov, this right here is why you do this. It isn’t about just you anymore. You learn so you can share. You experience so you can encourage. You see so you can teach. IT ISN’T JUST ABOUT YOU!
While I’m not trying to sound like I’m some prophet sent with a special message for the world, I know that I have things to share.  We all do. Each of us have gone through experiences in life that at one point broke us. We also have in some ways found our way. Someone else needs to hear how to make it. Someone else will have their path illuminated if we choose to shine our light a little brighter. Maybe not everyone will hear our message. Maybe not everyone will understand it and be blessed by it. But maybe one person will be touched. Maybe one person will be encouraged. Maybe one person will learn. And for that one person, it is worth it.
This is what this is.

Peace, Love & Light,
Kov.

PS. I’m working on improving and upgrading this space so it can be a lot more functional. And because I know that we all have a message to share, I’ll regularly open it up for you too.

PPS. I apologize for the irregularity of posts. As soon as the upgrading process is done, posts will become much more regular, promise.