Monthly Archives: November 2012

Off The Playlist – In Times of Doubt


Hello,
Over the last few days, I’ve been contending with a lot of doubt and struggling to keep the faith (I said in my last post that God and I were going through a rough patch), there are a few songs that have helped me deal. Music is my muse, always has been. These songs from my playlist have been on repeat for about three days straight and have finally led me to my knees (of course, God always wins). Anyway, I just wanted to share my music with you.

1. These Broken Hands of Mine– Joe Brooks
God knows my feet are aching
And I’ve got mountains ahead to climb
One way at a time
I’ll let these broken hands of mine give me strength….

Ever listen to lyrics of a song and be like “you’re in my head, get out of my head! Stop stealing my lines!”? Yeah, this is one of those

2. Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon and Garfunkel
When you’re weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all.
I’m on your side, Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found.
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down

This song makes me cry, always. It’s just a beautiful song for those low times.

3. I Look To You – Whitney Houston
I honestly, don’t know which part of the song to highlight here. Every line, every verse is something. Where do I turn when everything else has failed? It’s such a beautiful song that just makes you lift up your hands to heaven and say “help me, I’m weak”. After all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong. I look to you.

4. I Believe In Love – Barlow Girl
How long will my prayers seem unanswered
Is there still faith to reach the end
… I believe in God even when He’s silent

Sigh… It takes a lot to continue to trust in God and hope against hope even in the moments of His silence. It’s easy to believe when He’s speaking or showing you signs, but there are times when it seem like you’re fighting all by yourself, how much will you trust Him then?

5. I Choose To Believe – Phillips, Craig and Dean
I choose to believe and never give up hope
God is good, He’s in control
I’ll keep the faith I trust in His way
Even when His face is hard to see
I choose to believe

This one has become my personal favorite. I’ve had this song for a while but never really listened to it until two nights ago. I’d come to my wits end and was just fed up with hoping for better things (which is when I stopped talking to God). I just was listening to music on some random shuffle and this song came up. Even in the silence, God has a way of speaking. I choose to believe, even when He’s silent. I trust Him even when I don’t. He’s in control even when it seems like He isn’t. Lord, I believe, help me with my doubts.

He’ll never put more on me than I can bear.. I’ve got to believe that. He trusts me enough to carry this load and He’s equipped me with all that I need to follow through. There I times I want to say to Him “you trust me too much, I’ll fail you. Reduce my strength and lift off this burden”. But He knows more than I do. He sees it all. Even when the road is hard for me to see, I choose to believe. I’m done fighting. You win!

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Porcelain Heart


A song: Porcelain Heart – Barlow Girl

Broken heart, one more time
Pick yourself up, why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you’ll make it whole

You know, you pray, this can’t be the way
You cry, you say, something’s gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine, of mine

Someone said a broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break

You know, you pray, this can’t be the way
You cry, you say, something’s gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine, of mine

Creator, only you take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again

You know, you pray, this can’t be the way
You cry, you say, something’s gotta change

You know, you pray, this can’t be the way
You cry, you say, something’s gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart
Please mend this porcelain heart of mine, of mine

Creator mend this heart

No, this isn’t turning into a “music lyrics” blog. I’ve just been going through some stuff and music has been helping. No, I’m not heartbroken… Lol. Unless you count the fact that God and I are kinda going through a rough patch right now. Isn’t it just sad that I can actually say that out loud(or type it)? Sigh… Don’t know why I’m being strong headed about this, since I know He’s the only one that can get me through it. I just wanna be mad a little longer (how foolish of me, I know). Ask me what it is He did, I have no idea.
Ugh! I should talk to Him. Don’t know if I can find the words.
Pray for me?
Goodnight :*

P.S. Please don’t ask me about this fight, I really do not wanna talk about it. Just say a prayer for me. Thank you :* :*

Happy Thanksgiving


Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Yes, everyday is thanksgiving but it’s also great that there’s a day specifically set aside to remind us to be thankful for all we have and all we are. Count your blessings name them one by one and you’ll be surprised all that God has done; you’ll be amazed just how much you’ve got to be thankful for. No sermon here…

Anyhoo, I’ve been stuck on a song for a while now. Thought to share the lyrics.

From The Inside Out – Hillsong
A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Have a wonderful day. Happy thanksgiving once again.
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!


Too many random things going through my mind right now. Too many questions, not enough answers. Too many decisions to make.
Growing up is hard. Being an adult is work, hard work. Making friends is tough. How do you know to trust someone else; trust them enough to share a part of your life with them? What about sharing all of yourself? Is this distrust affecting my relationship with Him as well? What if we can’t move forward because I have doubts?
Why do people cheat? I’ve heard a lot of reasons, none of them make sense. Yet we cheat anyway. How far is too far?
People will always make mistakes. It’s part of what makes us human, isn’t it?
Age is nothing but a number. A number that generally means more that it should.
Elsie is a lovely name for a girl, and Dorian for a guy. Don’t know the meanings. I should look it up. Maybe add to the list for possible baby names. When will the babies come anyway?
I don’t know what I am. I’m sure what I’m not.
How far am I willing to go for my dreams? What won’t I give up?
What do these personality tests mean anyway?
Why isn’t everyday a holiday? Why isn’t everyday a vacation?
I get bored of things and people too quickly. What if he can’t keep me interested?
When does a crush become more than a crush? Like an obsession maybe? Is that healthy?
What’s my greatest fear? Failure? Insignificance?
What are the things that really matter?
Sod it all!
I should sleep… More

Update!


Hello there!
It’s been quite an exciting week for me. Lots of new experiences, learning, meeting new people, planning and interesting conversations. Here’s a quick update:
1. I mentioned earlier that I was part of a 3-day management training organized at work. It was a great opportunity to interact with staff from the Head Office. I think the best part for me were the conversations I had with colleagues during the breaks and of course helping my team win the final presentation.
2. My leave officially starts on Monday. Whoop!!!! No work for the next two weeks, I’m so excited.
3. Heading out of town tomorrow. Not like I have much of a vacation planned but I guess it’ll do me some good to just get out of town for a while. At least, I get to see a few friends.
4. Despite my very busy schedule this past week, I was still able to finish two books from my list, and start a third.
5. India Arie has so many beautiful songs.
6. I really hope Ese Peters (Nigerian singer/songwriter) gets the recognition he deserves as an artist. As much as I love music, I hardly ever listen to our local artists. He’s one of the few that make it worth it for me. Very beautiful songwriter.
7. Sometimes, crying can be such a relieving experience! After bottling up all those emotions, opening the dam and letting go of the waterworks is wonderful. I did that yesterday at the most unusual place and in the presence of a random person. I felt so light afterwards, there are no words to quite explain it. The most amazing part of it was that our random friend just held me till I was done. Not a sensual/sexual kind of holding/cuddling. This was different. He just let me cry and didn’t start probing. Ah-may-zing!
8. Finally, *cue drum roll* I have cut off my hair!!! Yes I did the big chop today. Yes I’ve been postponing it. Yes I’m a chicken. Lol.. Well, it’s done and I look like I’m back in primary school. I don’t LOVE the new look, but I don’t hate it either. I’m sure it’ll be a slow and steady love affair. I’m proud of myself though. I would post a picture, but I’m sorta, kinda shy x_x

Have a great weekend people. You’re only young once!
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

I believe… I have doubts


There are some statements in the Bible that just sort of stick with me. They usually do not make much sense when I first start quietly repeating them to myself, but after a while, they become a part of me. Some of these statements have been Words of Faith that I hold on to when I’m going through tough times or I’m faced with a confusing situation. They are not typical Bible verses per se, more like simple statements that were made in connection to something else.
Sorry I seem to be blabbling, I’ll share a few examples:
* If it were not so, I would have told you (John 14:2) – This statement was made by Jesus when He said He was going to heaven to prepare a home for us. When I think of it, this is what strikes me; He doesn’t ever lie or say anything He doesn’t mean. When I find words of faith from the Bible, they aren’t just inspiring words to get me excited, He says it, because it is so. It if wasn’t so, He’s faithful enough to tell me (us).

* Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief (Mark 9:24) – This is probably the most profound verse I’ve ever read. I believe what He says. I believe that He’s working everything out for me. I believe that He’s always here and He never leaves. I believe that He loves me. I believe that He is and that He’s a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. I believe. But I also have doubts. I have my “what-if” moments. And so I love this portion of the Bible because it makes me see that it’s okay to have doubts sometimes. It’s okay for my faith to waiver. I am not alone. He can help me with my doubts. It’s okay for me to be vulnerable. It’s alright for me to wonder, but He doesn’t stop being God because of my doubts.
In this imperfect world, God is perfect. An ever present help in time of need. Our hope for years to come.

God is! He’ll always be.
Lord I believe, help me with my doubts.

Love is…


Love is the poetry of the senses.
Honoré De Balzac (French writer)

Love is the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.
Alexander Smith (Scottish poet)

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.
Madame De Staël (French writer and critic)

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr (American writer and anthologist)

Love is the greatest refreshment in life.
Pablo Picasso (Spanish painter and sculptor)

Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses.
Voltaire (French philosopher)

Love is the wisdom of the fool, and the folly of the wise.
Samuel Johnson (English lexicographer, critic ans essayist)

Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.
Leo Buscaglia (American academic writer)

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Aristotle (Greek philosopher)

Love is the expansion of two natures in such a fashion that each includes the other, each is enriched by the other.
Felix Alder (German-born American intellectual and rationalist)

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its on way; it is not easily angered; it keeps no records of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is above all, the gift of oneself.
Jean Anouilh (French dramatist)

Questions That Keep Me Up At Night


Forget the title of this post, I’m just going to talk about the questions that kept me up last night. Now that I’ve cleared that, can I proceed? Sure? Okay then…
1. When is this church close to my house going to realize that no matter how many vigils they keep, the demons “pursuing” them will NEVER die?! They are spirits for crying out loud!
2. Is it the right time to quit my job? I know there’s no new job offer yet, but I know a couple of places where my volunteer services will be appreciated. I won’t be jobless. Is this unsatisfactory/unfulfilling work environment worth it?
3. Why is my ex getting married soon? I don’t want him to be over me just yet. Yes, I’m selfish like that. Okay, I want him to be happy but for some reason I’m sad. No, I don’t want to marry him. I know this makes no sense
4. Am I going to cry when he eventually gets married? I hope not. I’m over him! I AM OVER HIM. Yes I am, seriously. (Maybe we should not have remained friends)
5. Will I ever have a really fun social life? When? How?
6. Why isn’t there a book that contains all the directions for my life? So I don’t need to guess and go with trial and error method. Don’t tell me life will be boring. How do you know? I’ll find other ways to make it exciting.
7. When I do finally get into a relationship, will it be weird? I think I’m comfortable being single, so how much will my life change when there’s someone else in the equation?
8. When will the BB10 be out? Will I be able to afford one (considering I might have quit my job by then)? Is it even worth the wait?
9. When will I be able to afford a surprise vacation package for mama? I really want to send her to her favorite place in the world!
10. When will I stop bothering my head with too many questions at night and actually get a proper night’s rest?
11. What color should my next journal be?
You might want to help me out with answers if you have them. 😀

In other interesting news, I just concluded a 3-day management training at work. Lovely hotel, great meals and plenty work! Final presentation was earlier today and I rocked! My group won!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!
So yeah, today I’m grateful for wonderful presentations (this goes to you too E. Congratulations again).
Enjoy the rest of the week.
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

P.S. I apologize if this post seems melancholic, I’m actually in a very good mood and I’ve been that way for a while now. My new mantra: Everything good will come!
(I still want answers though. Or just drop a random comment, will love to read one)

Lady In Waiting…


I read this somewhere:
Lady in waiting
is not finding the right man, but becoming the right woman.
The lady in waiting recklessly abandons herself to the Lordship of Christ,
diligently uses her single days,
trusts God with unwavering faith,
demonstrates virtue in daily life,
loves God with undistracted devotion,
stands for physical and emotional purity,
lives in security,
responds to life in contentment,
makes choices based on her convictions,
and waits patiently for God to meet her needs.

Psalm 37:4 – Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart

Off The Bookshelf… Must-Read Books


Over the last few weeks, I’ve been trying to get my reading mojo back as far as novels are concerned and I mentioned to a friend that I’d love to read some classic novels, even the ones I’ve read before. Fortunately, I randomly stumbled upon this list and it spurred the desire to go through even more of such lists available on the internet. Well, let’s just say I’ve come up with my own list of 30 must-read novels, at least they are a must-read for me.
These are books that I hope to go through over the next 30weeks. Surely, reading one book from this list every week for the next 30weeks (in addition to other books I have to read) is not too much. Hopefully not. I’d also like to have hard copies of said books in my personal library (no, my mother’s library doesn’t count) so that’s a hint if you were thinking of adding me to your christmas list, I’ve been really good this year. 😀
Without further ado, I present to you my list of 30 must-read books in no particular order:
1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
3. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
4. 1984 – George Orwell
5. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
6. Tess of the D’urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
7. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
8. Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
9. The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffeneger
10. Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
11. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
12. Bleak House – Charles Dickens
13. Things Fall Apart – Chinua Achebe
14. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
15. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
16. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
17. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Márquez
18. Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
19. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
20. A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
21. Lolita – Vladimir Nobokov
22. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
23. The Secret Garden – Hodgson Burnett
24. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
25. Half of a Yellow Sun – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
26. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
27. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
28. Purple Hibiscus – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
29. The Thing Around Your Neck – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
30. Everything Good Will Come – Sefi Atta

There you have it. What books do you think should have made the list? Share your thoughts (maybe overlook the fact that there are way too many Charles Dickens’ books on my list.. Lol).
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!