Monthly Archives: December 2012

In 2013…


This year is coming to an end in two days… I’m just here thinking about all the things I’ve learned this year and it’s obvious that the most Valuable lesson I’ve learned is that GOD LOVES ME! He loves me even in my filth, He loves me in spite of, despite and because of my shortcomings. I can’t say that I’ve fully grasped this message, I can’t say that my heart has completely accepted it, but in the new year I’m going to keep reminding myself of this truth even when I fall.. Especially when I fall.
As simple as this truth is, I wonder why it’s so hard for my soul to hold on to. It’s easier to believe a lie perhaps, or maybe if I deserved it then it’d make sense. But I don’t… I’m far from deserving of His love and His grace but He bestows it still.
In 2013, I want to learn to love Him in return. I want my praise to come from a depth I haven’t tapped into just yet. I want to be happily vulnerable with Him. I’ve come to accept that my relationship with Him is the most important part of my life. That I’d give anything to be in His warm embrace. Everything else will fade, but what I share with Him I don’t ever want to lose. I have to constantly remind myself that I may never be able to love Him as much as He loves me but I wanna give it all of me. I want to be able to say God comes first and actually mean it. I want to be able to give up anything and everything for Him… Not because I’m tryna compete with His love for me (there’s no winning that one), but this comes from a place I don’t even fully understand. I want Him, all of Him and I want Him to have all of me in return.
These past few weeks, I’ve been distracted a lot. In 2013, I want to curb that. Some things and people are going to have to go.. Not cause there’s anything wrong with them per se but I’m preserving my peace.. It’s a soul detox.
In 2013, I want to learn to love myself, faults and all; imperfections and what not; insecurities and fears. I want to look in the mirror and smile. I want to embrace my scars (physical and otherwise). I want to learn that it’s okay to be different, and that not everyone will understand me and that’s okay; to be okay with not having an opinion on everything; to be able to say “no”.
In 2013, I want to take responsibility for my life, my actions and inaction… To realize that I am responsible for my happiness. I want to make those hard decisions and live with no regrets. I want to take that step, explore new things, find myself and be okay with whatever comes of it.
In 2013, I want to breathe.. Really breathe. I’m not waiting to exhale. Live, really live life abundantly. Stop waiting for magic to happen. Stop waiting for it to get better. Be proactive. Stop racing against time. Enjoy what’s here, right now. Find contentment.
In 2013, I want to laugh. Really laugh. Deep, throaty laughter. Throw my head back without a care in the world kind of laugh. It’s never that serious. I want to be able to laugh at myself. I want friends and music and dancing.
In 2013, I want to relax. Enjoy a glass of wine. Read a book. Watch the waves. Sleep.
In 2013, I never want to stop learning. Stretch myself. Find my range. Find my voice. Use my hands. Work.
In 1013, I want to love. Love without a care in the world. Give of myself. Share. Rock a sleeping child. Kiss the mother. Hug the brother. Hold the sister’s hand. Smile at strangers.
In 2013, I want the world to see God in me. That everyone who comes in contact with me has an encounter with God. I’m no preacher, but I want to be a living epistle.
A friend of mine asked me, “why are you waiting for the new year?”. I explained to him that I loved the idea of a new year; new possibilities. He replied, “New month, new week, new day, new hour, new minute; new possibilities. Why wait for the new year?”. And I think he’s right. It’s not about 2013 and all the things I want to do… It’s about right here, right now and all the things I can do now. I’m grateful for 2012 and all the lessons I learned this year… I’m grateful for this blog and everyone who reads it. I’m grateful that I’ve found my voice.
So starting now… Welcome to a new beginning.
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

Advertisements

Unique In Its Own Way


Everything, every one
Every touch, every smile
One laughs; throaty
Another wheezes and yet another snorts
Each one unique in its own way

The gentle breeze blows
Somewhere else the thunder rolls
A quiet whisper, a loud surrender
The peaceful lake, the great ocean’s wave
Each one unique in its own way

The Creator or the created
Of whom shall I marvel?
The singing bird reminds me to smile
The purring cat, the lion’s roar
Each one unique in its own way

He likes to read, she wants to see
One claps, the other’d rather dance
The beauty of His diverse creation
Each marvelous to behold
Each unique in its own way

You O God, are beautiful beyond description
The wonders of Your creation
Seek to remind us to fall in humble adoration
Each song sang
Every Psalm
Each Verse
Every new prose
Uniquely giving You glory
For all You’ve made
Each is unique in its own way

2012 – I Do Not Forget!


Hello!
We are finally coming to the end of 2012… Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about this. Am I ready for the year to end? There’s still so much I want to do before 2013 comes around. 2012 has been good, more than good, but not as great as I planned. Am I being ungrateful for saying that? I don’t know. I just know there are a lot of things I didn’t accomplish this year, a lot of places I didn’t go, targets I didn’t meet up with. The strangest thing though is that somehow, I feel more at peace now than I was at the beginning of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t fully imbibed the “peace of mind over everything” mantra, but I’ve made significant progress so that’s a good thing. I am making progress.
I am grateful for quite a number of things this year. This morning, I took out my old journal where I wrote down my goals for 2012… I didn’t get to cross off a lot of goals from the list and usually that would leave me depressed but it’s amazing that there are a lot of things I accomplished that weren’t on the list. So yay!!!
I’m thankful for 2012… It’s the year of preparation.
I DO NOT FORGET – I’m thankful.
* For full recovery from surgery and for the scars that are a reminder of a battle fought and won.
* For favor as I wrapped up my service year
* For the end of a relationship that wasn’t leading anywhere and strength to move on from it, and the lessons learned
* For constant provision.. It wasn’t a year of extraordinary abundance, but my needs were met at the nick of time
* For all the travel opportunities within the Country.. There’s true beauty in Nigeria
* For my job. A lot of the people I served with are still without a job, I got one on a platter
* For twitter and all the incredible people I met this year
* For new music, books, gifts
* For the book that saved me this year “Lady In Waiting”
* For all the information I had access to this year and learning opportunities
* For my 25th birthday..
* For Joey and his homecoming
* For accountability partners
* For mentorship
* For all my friends (too numerous to mention)
* For the 31-day reset
* For weight loss and healthy living
*For This Blog and the outlet it provides
* For growth, in more ways than I can count
* For God – He found me and loved me

Wait, did I say this year wasn’t great? I take that back. 2012 has been an awesome year, I expect 2013 to be even more challenging but He’s been preparing me sooooo… Bring it on!
EVERYTHING GOOD WILL COME

A Psalm…


Psalm 34
1 I bless GOD every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.
2 I live and breathe GOD; if things aren’t going well, hear this and be happy:
3 Join me in spreading the news; together let’s get the word out.
4 GOD met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.
5 Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him.
6 When I was desperate, I called out, and GOD got me out of a tight spot.
7 GOD’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray.
8 Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see— how good GOD is. Blessed are you who run to him.
9 Worship GOD if you want the best; worship opens doors to all his goodness.
10 Young lions on the prowl get hungry, but GOD-seekers are full of God.
11 Come, children, listen closely; I’ll give you a lesson in God worship.
12 Who out there has a lust for life? Can’t wait each day to come upon beauty?
13 Guard your tongue from profanity, and no more lying through your teeth.
14 Turn your back on sin; do something good. Embrace peace—don’t let it get away!
15 GOD keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan.
16 GOD won’t put up with rebels; he’ll cull them from the pack.
17 Is anyone crying for help? GOD is listening, ready to rescue you.
18 If your heart is broken, you’ll find GOD right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
19 Disciples so often get into trouble; still, GOD is there every time.
20 He’s your bodyguard, shielding every bone; not even a finger gets broken.
21 The wicked commit slow suicide; they waste their lives hating the good.
22 GOD pays for each slave’s freedom; no one who runs to him loses out.

The Message Bible just makes God’s word come alive. Too real

10-12-2012


I went to the hospital today. No, I’m not sick. In fact, physically speaking, I couldn’t be any better.
Today started out pretty much like any normal day. Mondays at the office are usually about meetings and planning for the week so that’s basically all I did at work. Then the usual office politics and bureaucracy that gets me all agitated continued and as expected I was fuming through the day. I think some of my colleagues closest to me have come to understand just how frustrated I can get working in that environment. Anyway, this post is not about tales/woes of my work life. I said all that to say that what started out as a typical Monday morning, progressively grew worse. I’m happiest when I’m away from work. I spent the better part of the day complaining and whining about everything. At some point I was almost getting depressed just thinking about the things that don’t work, from my work place to Nigeria in general. This line of thought also made me start questioning some decisions I’d made recently. Bottom line, I didn’t have a good day and all my complaining was justified.
At close of work, I met up with some other ladies from church. We belong to a small group (Spiritual, Stylish and Smart) that’s basically for young unmarried ladies. Prior to this time, my group (which is a team of about 20young ladies, a sub-group of the SSS) had made plans to go for hospital visitation. We had agreed on a particular sum each person would contribute and things we would buy for in-patients of a particular ward of the General hospital. Imagine my surprise when I got to church and no one had showed up, twenty minutes later three more people turned up and we had only been able to raise a fraction of the total sum we had agreed on. Anger doesn’t even begin to define what I was feeling at the time. After a crappy day at work, I was coming to meet an even crappier day at church. I almost called of the entire trip as it seemed like we were ill prepared but somehow we finally made it to the hospital, all four of us. I’ll skip all the other challenges we had to face at the hospital before we finally made it to the Male Orthopedic Ward.
I honestly have no idea why we finally settled on that ward, but we did. After speaking to the Matron, we decided to split the total sum we had into two and give to two patients in the ward who needed help most. God bless the Matron who was extra helpful in providing us will all the information we needed.
I doubt that I can adequately describe the state of the ward, let’s just say I wouldn’t want to be there no matter how sick I was, not even if I was paid to be there. For the entire hour or so I spent in that ward, I kept fighting the urge to throw up.
The first patient we met was a man in his mid-fifties who had lost the use of both legs due to an accident he had a while back. He couldn’t even sit for the entire time we were with him. His wife did most of the talking. Long story short, we spoke with him, prayed for him and gave him the token we had to offer, then moved to the second patient and did the same thing. Needless to say, they were both very appreciative. As we were about to leave, I turned around to say a quick goodbye to the first patient when I noticed something that struck me: the wife of the patient had knelt down beside her husband, with her hands lifted up to heaven praising and thanking God. I could see the genuine appreciation on her face even as she did this, then she took her husband’s hands in hers as she continued praying and the smile on her face was beyond what words can express.
I fought back the tears as I walked out of the Ward. Here I was blessed in a million ways yet complaining and bitching about the things that honestly do not matter. I have a job, said patient has been unable to walk/work for months. If he could trade places with me, I’m sure he wouldn’t miss a beat. I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing this or why I’m posting it here but I’m reminded just how truly blessed I am. My group was silent as we walked out of the hospital this evening. Our silent gratitude for life and living expressed in the hugs we shared at the gate and a quick promise to visit again soon.
When we take a minute to step back from ourselves and our issues and view the world through someone else’s eyes, we will be amazed at how much we have going for us. The things that seem all so important now really won’t make much sense.
I know it’s easy to see another’s plight, feel sorry for a few minutes, hours or if we are really good people, a few days and then life goes back to normal. So maybe that’s why I’m putting this out here as a reminder to myself. Life really doesn’t consist of the abundance of things we have. We are happiest when we do things for others.
In this season of celebration and as the year comes to an end, why don’t we take the focus off ourselves for a few days and do something for someone else… It is more blessed to give than to receive. So that Christmas wish-list you have, of all the things you want from Santa (read as your bank account), rip it. Write another list of all the things you can do for someone else. Think of all the people who were a blessing to you this year, all the people you’d love to see smile, the ones who can’t do anything for themselves, and make Christmas a happy time for them. Make your gifts thoughtful, you don’t have to break the bank. Simple things that’d bring a smile to a face.
While we spread the Christmas cheer, let us not forget to share the love and grace that we have freely received; the gift of Christ and Salvation.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings


I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings– Maya Angelou

The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and is tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

Ever noticed how creativity is usually best expressed in the most uncomfortable circumstance? The greatest message usually comes from the filthiest mess. So sing caged bird, sing of freedom.

Home


My words are few… In the midst of all the pain and confusion, the one thing I’m super grateful for is having a place to call “home” – judgment and resentment free zone. I can truly be myself here, with people who really love me.
My mum’s a blessing!
No matter how hard or rough it may be now, I have a home. The little things are indeed the things that truly matter.
Grateful! Grateful!! Grateful!!!

(The other day on twitter I said I’d give anything to have a deep conversation with a random stranger.. I found my “random stranger” – too much of a blessing it’s been)