Monthly Archives: February 2013

Do You…


Do you ever wish sometimes that time would stop and you could enjoy that gentle sea breeze a little bit longer…
Do you ever wish that you could go back a few years and undo an act…
Do you ever wish that life came with a manual or something so you didn’t have to make wrong choices cause then you’d know exactly what to do…
Do you ever wish you were a few sizes up or down, or that sizes didn’t even matter and everyone came with one body type…
Do you ever wish that you didn’t have to fall in love or out of love cause no falling was required, you find The One and nobody gets hurt…
Do you ever wish that you knew what everyone was thinking so there’d be no need for fake smiles or pretenses…
Do you ever wish you were Adam or Eve so that the world would still be perfect because you know you would never have eaten that fruit…
Do you ever wish you could fly just so you could sit on a rainbow, Dreamworks style…
Do you ever wish you could see the future just so you know that all of this is worth it…
Do you ever wish you didn’t have to wish because you’ve got all you’ll ever need…
I just need to know that in my wishing, I’m not alone…
What do you wish for?

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If You Ever Come Back


Hi everyone!
I was going through my archives of all the stuff I’ve written and I came across this post that I wrote for Valentines last year…(It went up on a friend’s blog). Anyway, this particular post brought back a lot of memories and I ended up reading it over and over again. Just thought to share it here. Enjoy!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Eight months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirty-nine minutes, twelve seconds and counting… Yes counting. Counting the days since I woke up to an empty bed. Counting the nights that I’ve gone to bed feeling lost and alone. Counting the tear stains that have dried up on my pillow. Counting the cold nights where my duvet has been my closest friend because your arms were not available to hold me. Counting the number of meals that have gone to waste because I still can’t eat alone. Counting the sleepless nights caused by the nightmare that you are never coming back. Counting… Still counting.

I am angry. I am mad at the bed on which we have had our many fights and make ups, the right side you slept on. The right side of the bed that held the brutal note. The note that left my heart feeling like it had been pierced by a thousand swords with it;s simple words; “I’m taking sometime off. Need to clear my head. Don’t know when I’ll be back”. I am mad that you felt the need to leave me with a broken heart while you’re… Where the hell are you? I am mad that I can’t tell you how it hurts. I am mad that I am hurting alone. Or do you hurt too? I am mad that you left me without so much as a goodbye kiss. Or did you kiss me in my sleep?

I am mad that I miss you so much.

Oh, how I miss you. I miss waking up to your kisses on my forehead, tip of my nose and lips. I miss making you pancakes while you play with the flour, almost always leaving specks on my face as you kiss me. I miss taking a bath with you. I miss our playful banter and endless teasing. Darn! I miss your laugh that usually begins as a soft chuckle and then transforms into a deep, throaty laughter as you throw back your head and let out that perfect sound. I miss cuddling in your arms after a long day at work while we exchanged details of our adventures in the world. I miss that lovely aroma from the kitchen whenever you made dinner. My pillow is too soft, I miss the hardness of your chest. I even miss our fights.

We fought about everything didn’t we? The best position to leave toilet seat, up or down; The washing of the dishes especially after I made the meal; Taking out the trash most when I had fresh manicure; Closet space; You hanging out with your friends, when I didn’t want to be alone; What movie to see, action or thriller; The beach or a pool; Tea or coffee; Rice or pasta. Black or white… And on and on. I thought it was harmless, maybe even healthy. Did it push you away?

Tonight I have set a table, made your favorite meal. There is candle light and soft music just the way you like it. I am looking at myself in the mirror, wearing the sexy red Zara dress that you say takes your breath away. I see why you like it so, it hugs in all the right places. I smell lovely, fruity yet flirty. I am waiting. If you will ever come back, tonight is as good a night as any. It is after all Valentine’s day.

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Update!


Hello there!
I haven’t done one of this in a while. No idea why. Anywho, here goes:
* Growing up is so overrated! A lot harder than it seemed years ago. So many decisions to be made and I have to live with the consequences no matter what they are.
* I don’t know how my mum does it but she’s amazing! The sacrifices that woman makes, I hope I can do half of that for my kids.
* I love my personal space too much. If there is one aspect of Christianity I would find hard to practice, it’d be opening up my home to people in need. The thing is, I want to help. I want my home to be that kind of refuge but it seems I only want this in theory. Mum has a house guest who needs a temporary place to live with her kids. I’m constantly forcing myself not to think of this arrangement as in inconvenience. I don’t like that I even think like this.
* I think I might be ready for love. Lol! That sounds somehow, no? Blame India Arie
* I usually get bored of people quickly (guys especially). It’s been about 3months of constant communication and I’m not bored, not even remotely so. Hmmm
* I absolutely love that I’ve been reading a lot this year, non-fiction mostly. Grateful for my kindle fire and all the amazing books I get to read (and for my brother who’s always buying me books ^_^).
* I’m learning that Christianity is a lot more than church and “organized religion”. I want to live the Christian life the way God actually intended.
* Somehow, I haven’t been as prayerful as I’d like. I have absolutely no idea why. I still spend a lot of time studying scriptures and using my devotionals but praying in itself is just hard for me these days.
* I am this close to turning in my resignation at work. The only thing stopping me is that I haven’t fine-tuned my alternative yet. I can confidently say now though, that the 9-5 corporate world is not for me.
* I wish I could take a year off to just explore my artistic side. I haven’t had the opportunity of doing a lot of things and I really want to do them before I get to a certain age. I may not make a career out of it but at least let me try.
* I haven’t kept a journal in a while. I want to do a challenge. Something like the 30days reset I did last year… Haven’t decided which yet though. If you have any ideas, let me know? Thanks
* Healthy eating and exercising pays loads. Loving my new look! I get compliments everyday!!! Time for a wardrobe change again though, sigh.
* I’m happy… For no apparent reason. I just am.
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

In Her Eyes…


I usually can tell how she feels by looking in her eyes
She knows so she tries to hide it
But behind the mask, behind the veil and the “I’m fine”, I can tell
Behind the laughter and the enthusiastic dancing, I can see the thinly veiled sadness
I watch as she makes her way into the party
Champagne flute in one hand, light conversation on the other
Sashaying across the room she’s elegant in her stride
She feels the stares and keeps her shoulders square
Perfect teeth keep her smiling prime
And no one sees she’s screaming with her eyes
He makes a joke and she bursts out laughing
She’s got this down, this game she’s playing
Who’ll be first to see beneath the veil
Months of practice have gone into the light-hearted affair
Throw your head back slightly and raise one hand with some flare
Still, no one reads the message in her eyes

Smoke screen
Smokes and mirrors
I stand by the mirror and keep watching
Waiting for signs that someone else sees it
A room full of people and not one soul is moved by the sadness in her eyes
A final glance at her and I see him making his way to her
She can tell he’s coming and prepares to wear her mask
A tap on her shoulder and she turns around flashing a perfect smile
Young lady you deserve an Oscar
A tap on my shoulder and I turn around flashing a perfect smile
Away from the mirror, duty calls
No one see the pain in my eyes.