Monthly Archives: August 2014

A Collection of Randomness.


I keep playing hide and seek here…

Mostly because a lot of the things I want to say are for me. Only for me. The random stuff, that is. The stuff that make up more than 70% of this blog.

I just sort of lost the urge to put them here. But I think of this space constantly. How much the writing helped me. How free it made me at some point. I miss it.

But…

We probably have outgrown this. I said, “probably”.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know that has become my personal mini journal of sorts. I’m currently doing the 100 Days of Happiness challenge there, so you can follow my process if you like.

Speaking of, the challenge is so much harder than I thought it’d be. A happiness challenge should make you happy, right? Instead, I find myself constantly in a reflective mood. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good thing, but it can also be a lot. I guess it’s that way because it forces you to see things you’d otherwise ignore or overlook. It forces you to take stock. If pushes you beyond levels of comfort. It opens you up to be grateful for stuff you’d otherwise not want to count as blessings. It shows you just how full your life is…
None of these sound bad, right? Unless you’re me. Constantly looking for what isn’t working. LOL! I can be such a mess.

But…

I’m going to keep at it. 100 days.

Because I’m learning to find the beauty in my life even if I have to squint really hard to see it now. I’ll keep searching for it until I no longer have to think hard. Until they become an obvious part of my life. Until happiness is a choice. Until I no longer see the filth, whether or not it’s still there.

When was the last time you had a fight with God?

Last night. I called it ‘venting’. And didn’t feel bad until a few hours ago when I had to write for today’s challenge in my journal. It’s not a competition, but He always wins. Because even before I say it, He knows. And because He has the most brilliant smile, melts my heart every time. And because His one word overpowers my entire vocabulary. And because hope. Faith. Love.

Ha!

Oh, one more thing. If you’re a nice person and people tend to take advantage of that, do you keep being nice or build a wall?

My answer: Be yourself. The ones who’ll appreciate you, will. Not everyone. Not all the time. These walls, they not only shut people out, they keep you locked in. Imprisoned. And that, my friend, is no way to live.

Stay.

Sweetness and an abundance of happiness,
Kov!

On Letting Go…On Moving On


Life is unpredictable.

Yes, that is my big revelation. After 27 years trying to understand it, this is what I have found; life is unpredictable.

Love is unpredictable.

I was having a conversation today about letting go, and someone (who has played a fatherly role in my life for as long as I can remember) said I love too passionately. He went further to emphasise that he didn’t think it was necessarily a bad thing, but it just meant that I’d find it much harder to grasp the concept of moving on.

Moments after, I am left wondering what “loving passionately” even means. Is there a way to love less than passionately? How does one love that way? Can we even call it love if it isn’t passionate? Call me na├»ve…

Eventually, you have to cut your loses, no matter how painful. You have to look yourself in the mirror and recount the lessons you’ve learned. Sometimes, that is enough. Knowing that in this period, ten years or ten months, you have learned something. There will be something that you will take with you for the rest of your life, a piece of someone else, a collection of memories, a memoir of an ‘unlived future’, an abundance of new strengths developed… Whatever it is, that ‘something’ will act as a reminder that in a given space, and at a given time, you found the you that you had always been too afraid to be. That person is worth love, of the passionate kind.

Life is unpredictable.

So what if you still carry around boxes of “to-dos”? Put the box down for a second and take out those dreams one at a time, or several at a time, and live them. Some of them will make sense. Some others will be outrageous!!! But who cares?! They are of no use in the box anyway. (You might want to ignore me now. LOL.)

But yeah, be happy! Just BE! For no apparent reason. For the heck of it. For the sake of living and loving and laughing and everything in between. BE!

Life. Is. Unpredictable.

So every chance you get, stamp yourself in it. And when people call you weird, know that it is because they are too afraid to live. When they leave, understand that they are too afraid to find peace with the world around them. Too busy seeking control. They fail to see the fickleness of it all.
Don’t be like them.

And when you make a list of all the things yet undone, strike out ‘safe’.

If you fail, laugh it off. Have a glass or two of something. And try again… Maybe at something else. Even if it’s just so you have two things now done. Haha! So reckless! Yet, so free.

Free.

Life is unpredictable. So is love.

Don’t try to figure it out. Take what you can. Live. Give of yourself. Love.

BE.

Love, light & freedom songs,
Kov!

PS. I’ve not been drinking, I promise.