Category Archives: Living Single

Day 15: Closure.

Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

Hmmm. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Sometimes, I think closure is overrated. What’s done is done, why can’t we all just move on? I hold on to this until something happens again, exposing raw emotions that have gone untreated for years, showing that my hasty band-aid cover up of “let’s just move on” really hasn’t done me any good. Maybe closure isn’t so overrated after all.
What do I say to someone who was supposed to be my closest friend and confidant but ended up being the one behind years worth of misery? Calling it betrayal would be putting it mildly. We never really addressed the issue and mutual friends still don’t understand why we stopped being friends. I don’t understand it either. I carried the hurt and bitterness for years, and I’d spend hours trying to figure out what exactly would possess someone to be so cruel. I could have just asked her, right? But I didn’t. I let it eat up my insides and would literally feel my stomach churning whenever I saw her. It became easier after a while, we could have a cordial conversation without me feeling like ripping out my insides. But I held on to the bitterness and anger. I didn’t want to let that go. I felt like if I didn’t have that, then it’ll be like our friendship never existed.
After months of having God deal with me on forgiveness and love (quite recently actually), I finally broke down some weeks ago and gave up the anger. I remember crying in my bedroom, calling her name over and over again, saying, “I forgive you. I let go”. It wasn’t pretty. I did feel lighter after that. I see her more and more often these days and my smile is genuine when I say “hello”.
Now here’s the twist, a few nights ago, I was talking with Abba about something completely unrelated when He tells me to go apologise to her. Huh???? Why? I didn’t do anything wrong! That couldn’t have been God. It’s been days, and I can’t shake the voice. I spoke to my cousin about it earlier today and she reminded me of Naaman in the Bible and how the prophet asked him to go wash in the river… “If He asked you to do something more difficult, would you not do it?” Maybe she has a point.
I still haven’t figured out exactly what I’m going to say when next I see her but I’ll at least apologise for nursing ill thoughts all these years. I may not have been the initial wrong-doer, but my thoughts and actions in response were anything but Christian. They were in themselves, another wrong. I could at least apologise for that.
I have no idea what outcome I’m expecting… I just want to obey a command. Do I think this will somehow give life to our friendship? Probably not. I just know that I want to love others as I have been loved. I’ve been forgiven much, and it’s only right that I extend the same to others. And maybe, just maybe this will help me deal with the fresh wave of betrayal that recently hit me. (Lol… I seem to be packing on a lot of those.)


Day14: Blissful Moments

Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful…

Much as I love music, I’ve never really felt good enough to actually make it… so some years ago when I began to feel pressured to take singing seriously, I ran away from the choir. I ran away from anyone who would ask me why I wasn’t singing anymore. I felt too raw to have a mic in my hand, cause I’d cry every time I sang a worship song… And it wasn’t just emotional release, it was my mind saying, “you’re not good enough”, and my heart accepting it. For two years, I watched from the sidelines as others did what I longed to do, and even though I’d convinced myself that I’d rather not get involved, that church politics was sickening, that people would offend me, I knew I was missing a part of me. A vital part.
Last year after I got my heart right with God, I felt Him nudging me back to music, and not just listening and loving from the sidelines but getting involved. I fought it for months. Random people would walk up to me and say they saw me in their dreams singing, or something along those lines. And I’m talking about people who had no idea I sang at all. Lol. God doesn’t fight fair. He had me. After months of trying to explain my way out of it, I’ve finally yielded and it feels like my homecoming…
A few weeks ago, Pastor was teaching in church about true worship and how it’s much more than the music, and how every one is born a worshipper. Then he says something about worshipping in Spirit and Truth, and how true worship is brokenness and surrender… I don’t think I got it until I took the mic to lead the church in worship after the message that day. I can’t even describe it but that’s the most alive I’ve ever been. I lead worship almost every Sunday but this particular day, it came from a place of brokenness. I finally understood the message behind this mess that is me. The tears once again rolled down my face, but this time it wasn’t because I felt inadequate. They were tears of surrender. It was me saying, “Abba, I get it. I was made for this. Use this broken messenger. I present myself as a living sacrifice. I give my best to You. Let the worshipper in me break free”. That worship session was more for me than it was for the people I was leading. Bliss, doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling.
That Sunday morning, and every opportunity to sing after that experience, has been like coming alive. It feels like home. This is home. Alive.

Day 13: On Friendships

Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship.

Ahhhhh! Timzylicious Timi of destiny! It’s your day :* :*
Timi (@Greyverse) is one of the few people I text on a regular so it’s no surprise that he’s the last person I texted.
I don’t remember exactly why I started following Timi on twitter but I remember the very first conversation we had. I was having one of those really depressing days where even music wasn’t helping and I tweeted about it… Amidst all the offers of hugs and love from friends on twitter, uncle Timi stepped into my DMs and told me to turn off the music and talk to God. We went on to have a short conversation about the cause of the depression and the Cure. This was sort of weird because I really didn’t know the stranger talking to me like we were long time friends but he was easy to talk to, and I found myself being honest and open with him. The next morning, Timz was back asking me if I had talked to God about my feelings like he’d advised… That was the beginning of what is now a very strong bond between this lovely young man and I.
Our early discussions were focused on God’s unconditional love for us. Timz would send links to articles he thought I should read. He’d fill my email with messages and Scriptures that point us to God’s love. It was the sweetest thing really. The funny thing is I never questioned his friendship or felt like he was nursing an ulterior motive, the friendship just always felt pure.
It’s hard to believe that all this time has passed and we haven’t met physically. We talk about EVERYTHING. There’s hardly anything that happens in my life that Timi isn’t privy to and vice versa. You should hear me scolding him when he travels without letting me know or does something major and I find out late. You’d think I’m his wife (He has ‘wife’ oooo. Ehen). Timz and I can go weeks without any form of communication (when he’s away from civilisation *side eye*), and then just pick up where we left off like eez nothing. The best!
God really does bring people into our lives for different reasons and seasons… Through the really dark period of my life, Timi was part of my support system and he still continues to be a friend indeed. His heart of gold continues to amaze me. And his sense of humour is just on another level! One of the few people that can really make me laugh no matter how low I’m feeling. Everyone needs to have a Timi… Friends that become family.
I love you Timz! I know friendship isn’t about paybacks, but I really hope I can find someway to show you how much I appreciate you being a part of my world. You are one of those who remind me to be thankful for twitter. There’s good in the world after all. I can’t wait to meet you (even though it feels like we already have… Settle quickly so I can come biko). Keep this in mind, when we finally go home to Abba and He says, “well done”, I’ll be sharing that moment with you. Thank you for being the voice of God in my ear, constantly reminding me that I am loved.
P.S. I just finished reading your email, you’re a nutcase! Lmao!!!!! How am I supposed to get any work done when you have me in stitches???

Timi wrote something for my 25th birthday that still has me smiling more than a year later.

Day 12: Proudest Accomplishment.

The plan was to skip this one mostly because I don’t think I have accomplishments that make me proud. The things that would ordinarily count, academic excellence, career goals met, don’t really come close to being my proudest accomplishment. They made me happy, no doubt, for a brief moment, they did make me smile, but they are not in themselves my proudest moments…
I really wish I could take credit for the proudest accomplishments of my short life. I wish I could say I did this on my own, that my life counts for something because I made an effort. That would be untrue. I can’t take credit for Random Musings. For every time someone leaves a comment or sends a mail, “Thank you for sharing, Kovie”… “This blessed me, Kov”… “I’m so glad I found your blog”… “Pray with me, Kovie”… “I completely relate with this… It changed my life… Your words remind me to build a relationship with God… Your life is an inspiration…” my heart swells, the joy is unspeakable. That my vulnerability would in some way bring someone healing, that someone out there is going through the exact same things I’ve been dealing with and I can say something that speaks of hope for that one person, that Abba would use this broken vessel to touch another, it would be my proudest accomplishment… If I could take credit for it.
In 2012 when I started this journey, I had absolutely no idea where it would lead. I just knew I had come to the place where I couldn’t keep going my own way… Abba took these strained reins, and steered this lost ship back on course. Random Musings is my safe haven. I didn’t publicise it. Most of the people who know about this home found me somehow on the internet. I may not have a large following (that’s not the goal), but that a part of my life, no matter how insignificant, can speak to someone whom I’ve never met, and maybe never will, that I can share that with someone else, makes me proud… Even though I really cannot take credit for it.
In the moments where I feel like I’m not good enough, this is a reminder that God always, always, always has a plan. Even when we can’t see it. A reminder that God can use brokenness and surrender. That even at my lowest I’m still a miracle. That Abba would gladly use this mess, it is my proudest accomplishment, except I can’t take credit for it.
It’s all You, Abba… Always has been, always will be.
“I was full of fear and prone to wander,
lost and lonely till the day you won me over…
I was halfway gone and going nowhere
Half alive until the day you won me over…”

#np Won Me Over – Audrey Assad

Day 10: How Does My Name Fit?

Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you.

I should first of all state that I absolutely LOVE all of my names. I wouldn’t change them for anything. I must say my parents did a good job with name picking.. Hehe.

Anna could mean “full of grace”, “favor”, or “eagle”. My favourite interpretation is “full of grace”. I’m sure we all know how I’m always talking about God’s grace here. So maybe that’s not exactly what the name’s meant to portray but I can’t help but notice how I’m constantly overwhelmed by the grace God extends to me. I can’t help but talk about it. If I only have one message in this life, may it be one of grace. Plus I’ve on more than one occasion been described as gracious and pleasantly kind. I consider it a HUGE compliment.
I also like the reference to an eagle. It’s such an inspiring bird, rising above the storm, being so physically and mentally strong, having sharp vision… I may not be all these things yet, but I’m a work in progress. Almost there.

Omotekovie is an Isoko (one of the tribes in Delta State) name meaning, “a girl is king”. I think this is my sweetest name. I love me some Kovie. My mum lost a son before she had me, and I guess when she got pregnant again she hoped for a boy. Well, I’m no male and I’m no replacement for what she lost, but I’m king in every sense of the word. I doubt she’s ever had reason to regret having me and it’s not because she’s morally required to love the child she bore, I’ve made her proud, made her smile in a way only Kovie can. I’m my mum’s best friend. Her strength. I’m proud of the daughter I am to her. And to my dad. You should hear my dad speak of me!!! See me blowing my horn sha, LOL! If I don’t blow it, who will? :p
On a more serious note though, this name reminds me that my gender is no barrier to whatever I want to do or be. Nothing really is a barrier. Whatever I may not be or have, I can if I really want to. Because a girl is also king. Kovie is also… Whoever she chooses to be.

Osereme isn’t on my birth certificate. When I was in Secondary School, my mum and I were having this conversation about how I was the only one in the house without an Esan name (my mum’s Esan). I gave her a time frame within which to give me one. She didn’t think for long before she chose this one that loosely translates to “God gave me”. You should have felt the way my head exploded when my mum said I was custom made just for her. Lol… I am God-sent, God’s gift. So sweet. My mum has a Bible verse for each of her children, mine’s Psalm 126 (yes, the entire chapter!) This girl is an answer to prayer y’all.
LMAO, okay that’s enough self-wash for one day. Again, I adore all my names. All of them. Even the ones that didn’t get mentioned here.

P.S. I apologise for missing a few days. Been a hectic week. :* :*

Day 9: Favorite Weird/Funny Behaviour.

Your favourite “weird/funny single behaviour” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do.

Okay, first of all, I don’t live alone… I live with my mum and sister for now (I have a really large room and bathroom all to my self though, so does that count? Teehee). I’ll stick to habits that take place in my room.
Secondly, I don’t think my habits are weird, or funny, or uniquely me.
Thirdly, I plan to continue most of these habits for a very long time, the mate will have to get used to them -____- :p
Errrm in no particular order…

  • I sleep on half of my bed, my devices and books sleep on the other half. It’s only proper, seeing as I spend most of my time with them anyway. I can wake up in the middle of the night and continue reading a book, or read/study my Bible, or make journal entries, or just write creative or random stuff, or tweet, or change whatever music is playing on my PC (or any other device), so I need them to be at arm’s length.
  • I LOVE my music. I’m almost always listening to music. The annoying thing is, I can be listening to one song on repeat for dayyyyyysssssssss!!!! If I like a song, everyone around me will know, I’ll keep talking about it and force you to listen. Some people have complained that I have weird taste in music. I don’t even know what that means. I know loads of people who share the same taste in music so I can’t be that weird, can I?
  • My bathroom is my sanctuary, please don’t rush me. I’m not even talking about shower hour or the porcelain throne. I sneak into the bathroom sometimes just to think. I’m not doing anything, I just sit there. It’s quiet and peaceful. I love it. (I also love bathroom echo, so I can scream, or talk to myself, or pray, or sing in the bathroom just for the fun of it).
  • I cry in front of my mirror. When I’ve had an absolutely crappy day or I’m just in a foul mood, I sit in front of my dressing mirror and crrrrrrryyyyyyy! This helps sometimes, cause I see my ugly cry-face and start laughing. This usually leads to conversations with my reflection in the mirror. It’s therapeutic.
  • You see? Not weird after all. I really love my personal space though. It may look like a bit of a mess but it’s my space and everything is where it should be. When I get married, I hope I’ll get an extra room just for my randomness (definitely not to sleep in, hubby MUST cuddle me).

    Day 8: Five Things That Are Most Important In A Future Mate

    What are the five things that are most important to you in a future mate?

    Only five? Lol… Jk.
    I’ll just get right to it…
    1) Rejoices in his relationship with Christ.
    Notice I didn’t just say ‘Christian’, so you don’t confuse that for occasionally showing up for church services and saying ‘grace’ before meals. I’m talking about a deep, passionate, intimate, really personal relationship with God. You’ll know this because his joy as a believer is evident in everything he does. God comes before me (or anyone else) in his life. This is a HUGE deal.
    When a man really, truly loves God, rest assured that takes care of so many other things. His values are right. I remember a family friend told me sometime ago that she had to marry a man whose values came from his relationship with God because then she knows she won’t have to worry about his loyalty, faithfulness, honesty and things like that. It’s not his love for her that would keep him from hitting her, it would just be contrary to his belief system to do that. I agree.
    Of course my reason for wanting him to have a personal relationship with God is not entirely selfish (lol). A personal relationship with God is the BEST thing that has happened to me, why wouldn’t I want the person I plan to spend the rest of life with to enjoy that too? In fact, his love for God should drive me closer to God.
    He should also be a man of unwavering faith, and this comes from his trust and love for God.

    2) Understand the importance of feelings and emotions.
    A man who takes the initiative to lead but tempers it with a gentle spirit, and tender responses to my feelings. He’s also not afraid to reveal his emotions even though he embraces his masculinity. The best of both worlds – neither dominant nor a doormat.
    I’m a feel-er and I have to be with somebody who knows how to respond to that. Not somebody who runs off at the sight of a little tears :p. Plus you know how men like to act all macho and tough like nothing moves them? Well, you can’t do that here boo. I gats to see beneath your burriful, ya dig?
    *Don’t be shy to hold my hand (and other public displays of affection).

    3) Has a creative outlet.
    I really don’t care what it is, just have some form of artistic/creative outlet. Write, paint, take pictures, sing, sculpt, dance, play an instrument,… Just do something. Please, please, please, have a passion for the arts, in whatever form. I’m too much of a creativity junkie to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate art.
    *At the very least, just appreciate it A LOT, if the artistic gene skipped you 😦 :(. Else, we would have no common ground.

    4) Man of wisdom.
    I love intelligent men, always have. But this is beyond academic intelligence. Definitely not superficial when it comes to real issues. Be able to carry on an intelligent conversation (without coming off as cocky,nobody likes those). Be wise. You may not always have answers to all of life’s questions, but be able to make wise decisions. Know what you’re talking about, and live it. See beyond the facts. Don’t go with the bandwagon. Able to make your own decisions and take a stand for what you believe… (See why his values need to be God-based?)

    5) Has a sense of humour/playful side.
    I kinda feel like this point is cliché. Shouldn’t it go without saying? You shouldn’t take yourself too seriously, laugh, love, learn, live. Be able to make me smile. I don’t need you to be a comedian (I’m serious, I don’t want a comedian) but be able to bring sunshine with you. Know how to have a good time. Dance. Live. Laugh – deep throaty laughter, throw-your-head-back-without-a-care-in-the-world kinda laughter. Pick me up every now and then. Sneak up on me and tickle me. Take goofy pictures. Get the joke. Smile. Read funny articles to me. Just be fun to be around.

    I think this about sums up the 5 most important things… There’s other important stuff too like, love for travelling, maintains proper relationships, has a forgiving/sensitive spirit, and so on. At the end of the day, nothing beats having my own ‘person’, someone who gets me, with whom I click. Call him my ‘soulmate’ if you please.
    Here’s a quote I’m stealing,
    “And then you run into him on Seventh Avenue as you’re buying diced cantaloupe, and pow, you are known, you are recognized, the both of you. You both find the exact same things worth remembering. You have the same rhythm. Click. You just know each other. All of a sudden you see reading in bed and waffles on Sunday and laughing at nothing and his mouth on yours. And it’s so far beyond fine that you know you can never go back to fine. That fast. You think: Oh, here is the rest of my life. It’s finally arrived.” ~Gillian Flynn
    And this…
    “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” ~ Dr. Seuss

    Day 7: Where You Now Versus Where You Thought You Would Be.

    Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point.

    I answered this question on my birthday post, so you should read that.
    I’ve grown. A lot! Between the time I started this blog last year and now, I’ve grown so much I amaze myself. Even within this year, I see so many changes in my life, I wonder how it’s even possible to mature this much in such a short period. If I got asked today’s question last year, I’m pretty sure my answer would have been different. I’m beginning to see how God works in the very little details, how He does things we feel are a denial of the very things we want, but it’s actually a set up for so much more.
    The places where God is leading me now, I never even dreamt I’d go. I never imagined that my life would go in this direction, it wasn’t in my ‘ten-year plan’. He made a mess of that (Lol). For the times He said “no” or “not yet”, I’m beginning to see why.
    “Make your plans, trusting on God to direct your path…”
    It’s only the beginning of the awesome things He has in store. I haven’t seen the entire picture yet, but from the little I’ve seen, I have more faith for the rest of it.
    “So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering the hope we cherish and confess our acknowledgement of it, for He who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word”
    So no, I may not be where I thought I’d be right now, I’m in a much better place (even though it didn’t seem like it initially).
    He that begun this good work, is faithful to complete it. I trust Him.

    Day 6: Every Woman Has The Exact Love Life She Wants.

    Sound off on the quote, “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”.

    I don’t know if this is exactly accurate and I can’t speak for every woman on the planet but for me right now, I have the love life I want (I’ve already explained why).
    But what about those who do not want the love life they have? And I’m not just talking about single women now, this also includes women in abusive, unhealthy, unhappy relationships… Did they choose that? Or can we conclude that they want it because they haven’t made a choice to leave? I just don’t think any sane woman would wake up wanting to be unloved, or taken for granted. So are we really getting the exact love life we want?

    I have a theory: we may not be able to choose the hand we are dealt, but we can choose what we do with it. Our reaction to the issues far outweigh the issues themselves. We may subconsciously allow the things that happen in our love lives. Psychologists will give a fancy diagnosis for this.
    Every one has a choice. Deal with the underlining issues. And if for some reason you don’t have the exact love life you want, choose to be happy while you wait for what you want. Don’t settle.
    “We accept the love we think we deserve”.(My favourite quote from the movie, Perks of Being a Wildflower).

    Day 5: Biggest Misconception About The Single Life.

    What’s the biggest misconception you think people have about the single life?

    I think we sort of dealt with this when we answered the “why are you still single” question. Why do people even have to ask that question? Why is being single an issue in the first place? There’s obviously an erroneous belief that if someone is still single by the time they are a certain age, then something must be wrong with them. It is somehow inconceivable by the average man that a lady can choose to be single and possibly remain single for the rest of her life. We’ve seen the rude, crude, and distasteful remarks (some of us even make them) targeted at single women. The most irritating is describing her as bitter for her ‘misfortune’. Whatever their reasons may be, there’s an increasing number of women who choose their relationship status, and are very happy with whatever choice they’ve made. The world would be a better place if everyone else would just accept it without questioning her sanity.
    Something else I find somewhat funny, is the idea of married women feeling superior to their unmarried counterparts (and there are actually people who encourage this superiority complex! Lol). The rock (or lack thereof) on a finger shouldn’t be used to assess anyone’s value or worth. I am so much more than the man holding my hand. I find it really pathetic if all you have to offer as reason for demanding my respect is the “I’m a married woman” line. Quite sad actually.
    Finally, when single women talk about their amazing life, people tend to conclude that she’s a lonely woman trying to cover up her pain by pretending to be happy. The fact that a woman chooses to abide by herself doesn’t mean she’s by default, lonely. Yes, there are lonely single women, just as there are lonely married women. Her loneliness has nothing to do with her relationship status. Please let’s not confuse being alone with being lonely. *drops mic*

    P.S. There are so many issues in a woman’s life that go deeper than her relationship status. Can we address and deal with these issues rather than breeding misconceptions about being single?
    P.P.S. People are free to make choices and live happily with them. You may not understand these choices because they are different from the norm. Where possible, seek to understand with an open mind. If you still don’t get it, maybe you aren’t meant to. It’s fine. Just learn to respect those choices (as long as they aren’t illegal or cause harm to you in anyway).
    There are also people who didn’t necessarily choose to be single but, by whatever circumstance, are. I’ve met quite a number who have learned to make the most of their current status and are living happily. They deserve double respect in my opinion.
    After all said and done, live and let live.