I keep playing hide and seek here…
Mostly because a lot of the things I want to say are for me. Only for me. The random stuff, that is. The stuff that make up more than 70% of this blog.
I just sort of lost the urge to put them here. But I think of this space constantly. How much the writing helped me. How free it made me at some point. I miss it.
We probably have outgrown this. I said, “probably”.
If you follow me on Instagram, then you know that has become my personal mini journal of sorts. I’m currently doing the 100 Days of Happiness challenge there, so you can follow my process if you like.
Speaking of, the challenge is so much harder than I thought it’d be. A happiness challenge should make you happy, right? Instead, I find myself constantly in a reflective mood. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good thing, but it can also be a lot. I guess it’s that way because it forces you to see things you’d otherwise ignore or overlook. It forces you to take stock. If pushes you beyond levels of comfort. It opens you up to be grateful for stuff you’d otherwise not want to count as blessings. It shows you just how full your life is…
None of these sound bad, right? Unless you’re me. Constantly looking for what isn’t working. LOL! I can be such a mess.
I’m going to keep at it. 100 days.
Because I’m learning to find the beauty in my life even if I have to squint really hard to see it now. I’ll keep searching for it until I no longer have to think hard. Until they become an obvious part of my life. Until happiness is a choice. Until I no longer see the filth, whether or not it’s still there.
When was the last time you had a fight with God?
Last night. I called it ‘venting’. And didn’t feel bad until a few hours ago when I had to write for today’s challenge in my journal. It’s not a competition, but He always wins. Because even before I say it, He knows. And because He has the most brilliant smile, melts my heart every time. And because His one word overpowers my entire vocabulary. And because hope. Faith. Love.
Oh, one more thing. If you’re a nice person and people tend to take advantage of that, do you keep being nice or build a wall?
My answer: Be yourself. The ones who’ll appreciate you, will. Not everyone. Not all the time. These walls, they not only shut people out, they keep you locked in. Imprisoned. And that, my friend, is no way to live.
Sweetness and an abundance of happiness,