Category Archives: Ramblings

Free


I love writing here mostly cause I can totally be myself. Twitter used to be that for me, but now, neeh…
Bear with me, with this realization comes the need to put down every thought in my head, so there’ll prolly be more “random” posts than before. I’ll try not to over indulge though… :p
Anywho, this is to say a quick thank you to everyone who’s said a prayer for me recently. Cause I know I’m not standing today by my own strength. I really don’t know how I’m able to smile right now, there’s been way too much going on. Just too much. I know I’m not this strong… I should be broken now but I’m here. Someone much bigger than me is holding me up. Thank you Abba!
Something else I want to share… Last month, I was on a fast of some sort. During the period, I didn’t pray any specific prayers for myself (except just asking for Abba’s will to be done), but I realized that everyone I prayed with for something specific got answers. Like 4 of my friends got jobs and it’s been super amazing. Of course I know it’s not because of my prayers but it’s just been very uplifting. (*somedays I wanna get jealous like everyone’s getting answers except me.. Lol). Overall, I’m not as depressed as I used to be. I’m just very open to whatever Abba wants to do in me and through me.
My thoughts are all over the place, I’m sorry. I’m sha really excited for the things that are going to happen.. Even for the storm. I’m grateful that I’m growing (at least, in certain areas) 😀
Kisses!

Breathe…


I wrote this for a blog I partner with. You should totally check out the blog if you’re lover of words and art. Click here

Breathe in… Breathe out

The struggle to complete this not so simple exercise
It shouldn’t be hard, right?
It’s only oxygen and whatever it is we emit
Wrong!
Many a day go by and we forget to breathe

Inhale… Exhale

Start off the day in a frenzied unrest
Targets to be met, goals to be set
The rush to align with everyone’s expectation yet unmet
Time waits for no one they say
The sun still is shining, better make some hay
If I don’t get it now, tomorrow may be too late
Forget about breathing, there’s always air to spare

Inspire… Expire

Can anybody tell me what it’s really all about?
‘Cause I can’t seem to figure me out
Hey, you should be seeing the world
Saving a life
Painting a picture
…Maybe with words
Building a new house, designing a terrace
But I’m surrounded by mountains and the world is caving in
My muffled screams and indistinct words are covered up
The sounds of thunder are louder than my tears
And no one can see that I’m choking here instead

Breathe in… Breathe out

“What are you doing”
“Waiting”
“Waiting for what?”
“Waiting for purpose”
Waiting to exhale… Waiting to know
Maybe without a purpose
Definitely without a plan
But I’m learning… That it’s okay if all I do today is breathe
It’s doesn’t seem like much but it ought to count for something
No pressure, no racing pulse

So when you call at the end of the day, like I know you will, and ask me how I did today, I know it’s okay if what I have to say is that the only thing I did was breathe.

Do You…


Do you ever wish sometimes that time would stop and you could enjoy that gentle sea breeze a little bit longer…
Do you ever wish that you could go back a few years and undo an act…
Do you ever wish that life came with a manual or something so you didn’t have to make wrong choices cause then you’d know exactly what to do…
Do you ever wish you were a few sizes up or down, or that sizes didn’t even matter and everyone came with one body type…
Do you ever wish that you didn’t have to fall in love or out of love cause no falling was required, you find The One and nobody gets hurt…
Do you ever wish that you knew what everyone was thinking so there’d be no need for fake smiles or pretenses…
Do you ever wish you were Adam or Eve so that the world would still be perfect because you know you would never have eaten that fruit…
Do you ever wish you could fly just so you could sit on a rainbow, Dreamworks style…
Do you ever wish you could see the future just so you know that all of this is worth it…
Do you ever wish you didn’t have to wish because you’ve got all you’ll ever need…
I just need to know that in my wishing, I’m not alone…
What do you wish for?

No Complaining


Hello there!
How’s your week going? Hopefully, January has been good to you.
Soooooo it’s been a while since I did an update on what’s been going on with me and honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to do one now but I wanted to share a small part real quick. The last few days have been hell-ish for me. Talk about unnecessary stress from work and what not. Anyway, I realized yesterday that I’ve been complaining A LOT!
There’s a friend of mine I’m almost always chatting with on BBM so he gets a minute-to-minute break down of how my day is going. Yesterday, I was talking to him about stuff that was happening in the office. Actually, I was complaining and ranting about a lot of things. At a point, I had to stop myself. Even I had gotten tired of listening to my own venting and ranting. (I can only imagine how the poor boy has been dealing with me and my complaining for the past few days). I quickly apologized for dumping on him and promised that he’d not hear one more negative remark for the rest of the day… I later adjusted that to the rest of the week, reasoning that I had used up more than a week’s worth of my complaining quota. We laughed about it and he made a joke about his being sure I wouldn’t be able to survive it (or something along those lines).
This episode gave me food for thought last night. I really have been complaining a lot lately. Yes, I’ve had to deal with loads of crap but that’s no excuse. I’m better than this. I shouldn’t be controlled by what’s happening around me. My soul’s enrichment should come from within. Humans will be humans and are bound to screw things up (pardon my language) but that shouldn’t affect my response to it.
Anyway, I’ve decided to take a few days off complaining. (Lol! Let’s see how long I’ll last). Really though, I don’t want to end up old and whiny, with everyone avoiding me and my unending tales of woe. During the 31Days Reset Challenge I did last year, I learned a trick; go around with a notepad and write down everything that makes you want to complain and then think about a silver lining. Situation could be worse but it isn’t… So find something to be grateful for. I’m going to do this for the rest of the week. I’ll let you know how it goes.
To five days of no complaining… Let’s go!
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

Questions That Keep Me Up At Night


Forget the title of this post, I’m just going to talk about the questions that kept me up last night. Now that I’ve cleared that, can I proceed? Sure? Okay then…
1. When is this church close to my house going to realize that no matter how many vigils they keep, the demons “pursuing” them will NEVER die?! They are spirits for crying out loud!
2. Is it the right time to quit my job? I know there’s no new job offer yet, but I know a couple of places where my volunteer services will be appreciated. I won’t be jobless. Is this unsatisfactory/unfulfilling work environment worth it?
3. Why is my ex getting married soon? I don’t want him to be over me just yet. Yes, I’m selfish like that. Okay, I want him to be happy but for some reason I’m sad. No, I don’t want to marry him. I know this makes no sense
4. Am I going to cry when he eventually gets married? I hope not. I’m over him! I AM OVER HIM. Yes I am, seriously. (Maybe we should not have remained friends)
5. Will I ever have a really fun social life? When? How?
6. Why isn’t there a book that contains all the directions for my life? So I don’t need to guess and go with trial and error method. Don’t tell me life will be boring. How do you know? I’ll find other ways to make it exciting.
7. When I do finally get into a relationship, will it be weird? I think I’m comfortable being single, so how much will my life change when there’s someone else in the equation?
8. When will the BB10 be out? Will I be able to afford one (considering I might have quit my job by then)? Is it even worth the wait?
9. When will I be able to afford a surprise vacation package for mama? I really want to send her to her favorite place in the world!
10. When will I stop bothering my head with too many questions at night and actually get a proper night’s rest?
11. What color should my next journal be?
You might want to help me out with answers if you have them. 😀

In other interesting news, I just concluded a 3-day management training at work. Lovely hotel, great meals and plenty work! Final presentation was earlier today and I rocked! My group won!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!
So yeah, today I’m grateful for wonderful presentations (this goes to you too E. Congratulations again).
Enjoy the rest of the week.
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

P.S. I apologize if this post seems melancholic, I’m actually in a very good mood and I’ve been that way for a while now. My new mantra: Everything good will come!
(I still want answers though. Or just drop a random comment, will love to read one)

Being Present


Hey everyone!
It’s been a while. I haven’t posted anything this month and I can come up with a list of excuses, ranging from how stressful work has been, to how tied up I was with church activities, to the fact that I’ve been ill for the last few days and I’m still recovering, to the fact that I’ve been offline for the past one week, but in all honesty, I just haven’t felt like writing. If I really wanted to, I’m sure I could have found the time to put up a post or two.
I do feel bad that I’ve kinda neglected this blog, like I’ve been neglecting a lot of things lately. The things that once mattered just don’t make that much sense anymore. I feel tired. More like exhausted. And I seem to be angry a lot these days. Not violent type of angry. More like upset and irritated with things I used to be able to tolerate. Usually, my solution to this would be to take a break from it all. But this is real life and I can’t just up and walk away from work or friends or family. I have to be present.
I can’t even articulately express what I feel right now. For someone who is usually self-expressive, this is strange. Anyway, I guess this is my way of saying I’m trying to be present. I’m trying to deal. I’m trying to at least make an effort. I’m not running away or avoiding the issues, I’m here. And I’m grateful for small miracles and blessings in disguise; for a place to call home; for hope lost and found; for strength in moments of weakness; most importantly, for Grace and Love so amazing.

Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

I’m Learning…


Hello everyone!
I’m really, truly sorry for being MIA for a while. I was on some kinda fast and I just took time off the internet. I should have informed you before going incommunicado but the decision was sort of impromptu. I still am on the fast but I’m using the internet for a few days (work related stuff) and thought to just drop a note.
While I’m here, I might as well share with you a few of the things God has been teaching me and reminding me lately…
1. God is in control. It’s better to just submit to His sovereignty.
2. Life is in phases, you can’t skip a class.
3. God loves you. He wants the best for you. He has a plan, He’s working.
4. Don’t trust your feelings, they change. 5. Nothing you desire shall ever be enough. It’ll never bring you the satisfaction you desire. You’ll always want more (“Man shall not live by bread alone..” Substitute bread for anything you think sustains you – love, food, money, achievements…)
6. Our relationship with God and the promises in His word, is what truly sustains us. His word is the foundation of our grace and fulfillment.
7. Today is today! It comes complete with its own set of joys and mini dramas. Leave tomorrow alone; it will come soon enough.
8. Eat of life to the fullest. Don’t put life on hold while you wait for what you desire. Now is the time to experiment. If you gain nothing else, you’ll have memories.
9. Know your worth. Stop listening to the lies of the Devil. What does God say about you? Believe it!
10. Getting your dreams will always cost you something. Something has to go in order to be replaced with something better.
Everyday I have to remind myself that God is enough! God is more than enough!!
When all this is over, I’ll write about my experience this period and write in detail all that I’ve been learning. I have so much to be grateful for. I miss y’all so much. Thanks for the emails. I’ll respond soon.
Plenty love!
Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

Musings


Hello there!
It has been a minute. Sorry for the brief absence. Did you miss me? Of course you did! Lol (pay me no mind). How’s everyone been doing this month? Hope August has been good to you so far.
I’ve been so out of my game lately, stressed up from working on little food and even less sleep. This new job is most definitely taking it’s toll on me and my body is already screaming for a break. Looking forward to the Sallah holiday.
Speaking of jobs, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (I think a lot don’t I? Sigh…) about my work and what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I know over the years, I’ve given this a lot of thought and have tried to be reasonable in coming up with possible career options. However, these past few days, I’ve been thinking about what I’d actually like my future to look like. If money wasn’t an issue and I’m guaranteed 100% success in whatever I decide to do with my life, what would I actually be doing? I tried not to include possible career choices I’ve had in mind, and just allow myself dream. Here’s some of the things I thought about:

1. What are the words that would most likely describe me?
Eccentric, free spirit, quaint, wanderlust, eclectic, freelancer, bohemian… (Get the picture?) Don’t mind that some of the adjectives may seem contradictory. *shrug*
2. What are my interests, and what are the things I’m most passionate about?
* First, I put down my five top interests;
i, Music
ii, Journalism
iii, Fashion
iv, Creative Writing
v, Travel
* Then I asked some of my closest friends to supply the answer to the same question. So this is an unbiased discovery
Music, Art, poetry, written word, photography, business, singing, travels, fashion, architecture, deep conversations, healthy living, beauty, languages, food (x_x), all things vintage, personal style, musical instruments… (These were the constant/recurring interests, and I have to say, they didn’t veer off from the list I already made. My friends know me *huge grin*)

I then put down in my journal possible career options from the above list. There’s a lot of things I could do. Quite a lot actually, that would encompass all of my greatest passions and interests. Would I take the leap of faith though? Close my eyes and jump… I’ll be working on that.
In the meantime, a girl can dream, right? 😀

Kisses,
FutureNewYorker!

Human!


I am human and I make mistakes. I am human and fail sometimes, I fall. I am human and I am weak. When He offers His strength, my human nature would assume that I am strong enough. Only a little, I can handle it. I was wrong. As always, He was right.
I am human, it is not an excuse. I am human, it is not me trying to avoid responsibility for my actions. No, it is fact. I am human and I am weak.

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.
Romans 7:15
I put my flesh under submission today, tomorrow, it wants to rule. No wonder Paul says I die EVERYDAY.
Create in me a clean heart O LORD, renew a right spirit within me.
I am human and I fail… Don’t be disappointed in me for too long. Perfect Your strength in my weakness, for I admit that I am weak.
I am human.. It is not me making an excuse, no! This is me crying for help. I AM HUMAN, help me know.

Still I Rise – Maya Angelou


Hello there! Been a minute!
I’ve been silent on here for a bit mainly because I’ve been trying to fight my writers’ block and write a short story. Anyway, I was making progress and had several drafts saved on my phone when the unthinkable happened, my memory card crashed! I’ve done everything to try to retrieve data but there’s been no luck yet. I’ve handed it over to the experts to see if they can get anything off it, so fingers crossed.
In the meantime, here’s another poem from Maya Angelou that I absolutely love. (I think this should be her most popular poem). Enjoy…
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

– Maya Angelou

P.S. I’ve been learning a lot lately about God’s love and God’s plans. Will share soon.
Plenty love, hugs and kisses,
FutureNewYorker!